I cannot help but think, reflect, and be grateful for the wonderful year we have had with the arrival of Miss Lillian. While I was in graduate school I spent several hours a day reflecting and analyzing my feelings, motives, behavior and goals. Members of my cohort can attest to the fact that at times it was exhausting but the experience and personal growth was worth it. I was afraid that after graduating the program in May I might be stagnate for a little bit before my next experience. Well, I found the opposite was true-- I find myself changing daily and when I take a step back and look at the bigger picture I can see monumental changes in myself since having Lillian.

I read a lot of parenting blogs and articles and sometimes I get a little sad when I see people basically say how much they hate aspects of being a parent. But I know everyone has a unique experience. I am grateful for Lillian and how her presence has changed me in these ways:

I LOVE food. Growing up I never really cared about food and would prefer to have a cup of coffee or hot chocolate over food. Like I said in my previous post I barely eat at parties because I am socializing. Now I can not get enough of cooking, baking, trying new recipes, eating at parties, and reading about cooking techniques online. It started when I was breastfeeding and was absolutely starving and probably ate five times my normal intake. More recently, preparing Lillian's food and watching her enjoy eating so much has made me want to make sure she has a lot of exposure and experience in the kitchen.

I prefer to be behind the camera. Have you noticed that there are hardly any photos of me on the blog? I much prefer to be behind the camera snapping photos of Lillian with Jesse and our family and friends. I take about thirty photos and videos a day. I am hoping to explore more photography in the new year. But since I want to capture the three of us we are going to have professional photos taken.

I won't settle. If something is not perfect for Lillian I won't rest until it is. 

I have a lot more patience. Like, A LOT, more. I have always had a lot of patience for people (waiting in line, sitting in traffic, being on hold on the phone, tedious errands, screaming high schoolers), but Lillian has made me a lot more patient with everything else, particularly with feedings.

I wear less makeup. If you see me before Lillian's morning nap than there is absolutely no way I have make up on. I usually throw some on while she is sleeping or do it quickly in the car. I definitely wear less lipstick because I am always giving her little kisses and I don't want it all over her.

I identify with mothers in movies. This one was really surprising to me!! Whenever I watch movies or television I find myself relating to the parents and their experiences. I freaking lost it a few weeks ago while watching a tv show and the parents were searching for their kidnapped daughter. 

I am more introverted. Plain and simple my life is not about me anymore. I am always thinking about Lillian first and as a result I am not the life of the party and I actually love it. I see what I was missing out on for all of those years-- I get to sit in a corner and eat while people smile at Lillian!!!!


Parentingcaroline curran