Since I started my blog in 2014, I have posted pretty much every day, with a few exceptions. This blog has become so special to me and after taking the last two weeks off, I am happy to be back writing and sharing.

I have had a lot on my mind recently and while I normally head straight to my blog to write and sort out my thoughts, this was the first time I felt like I needed to step away. I have had so many things that needed serious consideration and reflection and after some time, I feel like I have a little more clarity. I'm just going to spill it out so it might not be as articulate as I want, but here it goes.

To be honest, my heart is really hurting. With everything going on in the world it can be really hard to stay optimistic. About two weeks ago I had this gut feeling that I needed to make a change with my blog. It drives Jesse crazy sometimes, but I am always asking myself, "what's next?" I wanted to figure out what was the next step with my blog. It's evolved so much from shoes to fashion to pregnancy to parenting to life and I have loved every step of the way. As Lillian gets older, Jesse's company gets more press, and I get more attuned to the complicated world we live in, I have just been reflecting on what type of experience I want for my family and me.

One of my favorite things about my childhood was the cocoon that my parents created for us. While we were active in the community, our home was our private place-- our sanctuary. We could just be. And I really want that for Lillian and Jesse but with the blurred lines created by the omnipresence of the internet, it can be hard to have privacy. I can see from the analytics of my site that people like my more personal posts, and I actually really love writing them, too-- they're therapeutic. But for the sake of my family, I have decided to pull back on sharing about our personal lives. One of the big deciding factors was reading articles about families who have turned their young children into internet stars. While they make a lot of money, I feel like they have compromised their privacy and is not something I want to do.

Recently it has felt like every day on the news there is something horrific happening. The truth is, horrific things have always happened, I just have a more visceral reaction to it because I am a mom now. It's definitely more intense than when I started this blog and wrote about shoes. It feels so inauthentic for me to be writing about trivial stuff when so much is happening.

So I've been focusing my efforts on spreading joy. I've been working hard on The Bundle of Joy. It has been amazing and truly refreshing to have a project that isn't so public. I've been working on corporate partnerships, curating new products, and community. While it might not look like much is happening, we are having a blast behind the scenes and I am learning a lot and pushing my skill set-- which I have always found satisfaction in doing.

I also just started working with Minted on their new Photo Op program. It's a cool program that allows Minted customers to book a photographer to take their holiday photos!

To summarize, this past year has been one of the longest years of my life. I traced it back and it all started with the election results. It sounds funny to say, but I feel like I became an adult this year. This year has brought so much "bad news" to my experience and has been so challenging. On a daily basis, I have been forced to really think about what type of person I want to be, how I want to raise my daughter and what our family values. The world is changing and I am changing. I feel like this year I switched my lens from naive to being self-aware of the world and this new perspective is hard-- it's like trying to constantly fight out the bad and find the good. It's exhausting!

What really prompted me to pull back and gain a new perspective are the fires happening in Sonoma and Napa. The fires have literally hit close to home. We've been monitoring the news and Twitter and just trying to get any information on how my parents' house is doing. From the maps of the active fire, it looks like my parents' house is safe but we won't know for sure until we can get back up there. Natural disasters are not something new. But having it affect my family has reminded me what is really important- family, love, safety, and health. Seeing so many people displaced and left with little is heartbreaking. While we say things like, "at least we're/they're safe" it doesn't replace how special, intimate, and full of memories everyone's homes are.

Being a mom makes all of these horrible things hurt so much more.  It's definitely not something you can anticipate and is exhausting. Every day I feel more and more appreciative for the values my parents instilled in my siblings and me and how they created a safe world for us. Like everything else they did, they made it look so easy.

For the past two weeks, I had been trying to decide if I was even going to continue to write my blog. It feels like the industry is getting more intense, yet I have heard that so many bloggers are feeling unhappy, stagnant and even burnt out. In the social industry, quantity is queen and so everyone is constantly sharing. Constantly. On all channels. I realized I was sharing out of habit and took some time to reflect on why I was sharing. It's crazy to think but true bloggers (in the sense that it's their full-time job and source of income) have been encouraged and rewarded the more they share. Like any job, the more time you put into it, the more you will get out. Blogging differs in the sense that you are sharing your life, your personal stuff, your family, etc. 

Ultimately, I decided that I will focus my platform on being a source of joy and happiness for all who read it. Moving forward I will be sharing about professionals I admire, pieces I like reading, and other information for living a meaningful life.

Thank you all for reading my blog and following along.


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Lifestylecaroline curran